Chaos

Here I stood, how did it get to this. One step forward then about 20 backwards. It's not quite what I like, but I like it a little. So I stopped to capture it and now on returning from a little trip away I revisit the photo and the desk, fight my way through and just write. The trip saw me plagued by a rash, the week has gone and I feel no rest has come, but the skin has browned in the sun and I have swam in the sea and the plague is settling. Adam took care of me. But I think I need to take care of me and find my place in the room and the world. I will sleep tonight and awake to try again. 

Walk 39 - Akaroa

Possibly several walks but I think that's just a technicality at the moment. A few days away to a new place, tagged onto a work meeting in Christchurch. 

Akaroa has this most fantastic leaflet on walks around the town, we which kind of morphed into our own version. 

We walked every day from our little home along the beach road into the towns two main areas. We walked along the piers, along the shore, up the hill to the wondrous Giants Garden. 

These walks were about exploring a new place, taking a break from work and being away from Auckland. We rested and recharged but kept those legs moving, and ticked off another of the lighthouses (I can feel another series coming along). 

Walking into town

Walked up the hill to the Giants Garden

Walked along

And along

and along the piers.

to the lighthouse

Crystallise

I have accepted the part of me that loves my career and work. After struggling with the concept of 'balance' in my life. The greatest moment came when I realised that I love what I do and it will be a big part of me for now. In making that step in my mind it also freed me to enjoy myself when I'm not at work. Accepting that I won't do all those 'things' on my list of what I 'should' do. Rather I consider what is most important right now and what is needed. Of late that has consisted of sitting and reading. 

Having made that leap in the last year or so, now my career faces choices. I have been blessed and am extremely fortunate in my career,  though I would also say I have worked for it. 

Which way to go, what to do. I have been thinking (a lot). Would change mean failure or giving up, or is it about accepting what is right for me and where I can make the most difference.

My parents instilled in me the belief that I could do anything I set my mind to, which has stood me in great stead but made decisions a nightmare. 

So in my turmoil and indecision I must have been channeling Steve Martin and The Man with Two Brains as this week brought some signs. (Do check out the brilliant clip here if you have no idea what I'm talking about). 

Voicing my values to my what underpins my work and my passion for the future is the first steps. I am going to need to be brave in whatever I do from this point on, so being clear and definite, to crystallise what I believe and how I think I can contribute is step one. 

Writing with Write Alm and the February Prompts.