Have I?

Well while feeling contemplative and wonder some on the eve on my birthday I feel a list would be better. I made a list last year, 39 things to do before my birthday, so should I reflect and assess my progress. Should I worry about what I haven't achieved, who should judge? The only thing I can say really is I thought I'd get a lot more done. So do I save them and roll them over for tomorrows list? This year has done my head in to be honest. I've been away from home long enough so it doesn't feel like and adventure anymore. I've questioned a lot and not got a lot of answers. Forgive my terrible English, I'm a disgrace to my education, I know.

I have kept true to number 30 and while it has taken 363 days before I was creative and thoughtful in my writing, it has been an interesting exercise. The journal in itself is delightful, from the wonderful Kikki.K,  and it has travelled with me everywhere and I do get behind missing a day or two and while trying to catchup with events scare myself over my poor memory I've enjoyed the experience. The daily countdown of days till my year was up may have a negative effect on me facing this years birthday, so I'll be trying something different come the 15th. I realise how lucky I am to be alive, too look forward to my birthday, to have another birthday, there are those out there, my age who don't have that privilege and it's kind of done me in a bit thinking about that.

While I long to be a free spirit and a crazy hippy soul, there will always be the list maker in me. It may be a notebook thing, but this is a confession to be sure. I keep a list of all the post I send and all the post I receive. I love post, I mean really love getting post. I'm an Internet addict for sure, but real letters, so very lovely. I am  blessed by great friends who write to me, so I hope I have returned enough joy in the post.

This was number 33 in my list last year, so just to make sure, I counted. I've sent at least 64 postcards, Jan tops the list in case you're wondering, she got 6 of them, with Lesley and Dr Wray coming in a close second at 5 each. I've sent 17 parcels, that's ridiculous, but the Grains are the winners there, with Mum coming in close behind. I'm not so strong on letters, only 22, with Sally getting most of those. I splash cards about fairly freely, no clear winners in this section, but Jane, Dad and Jayne C all on three each. Now who get the most, so totaling cards, letters, parcels etc altogether whose address do I write the most. The Grains win again, with my mum/sis  and Jane all getting into double figures. A common number of items was 7 - that's not even once a month. I thought I was good. Em, I feel bad, you'll be the one person I know who will read and comment on this and only 7 bits of post in a year, you've sent me such great parcels, your turn will come. Clearly I must try harder next year.

Though having just gone through the exercise of counting all this, I am more concerned about my mental health than ever before.


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