Walk 41

[The below post was written way way back it seems, but I had intended it to be the post that wrapped up this little series. I haven't changed it at all and as I face my birthday in 2015 I do find myself wondering quite a lot]


Back at my birthday October 2014. So while this series took a little while to finish, this is the way to wrap this series up has to be here. This walk. That has so many memories. From Hahei beach to Cathedral Cove. My first birthday in New Zealand was spent here. I stood happy with the place to ourselves as the sun set, dusk came and we realised we'd better move it to get back before dark. We kayaked back the next day as my birthday treat. Coolest thing. We visited in the summer and had to share the beach, but we swam and snorkelled. We brought friends on the walk and then we brought my mum. It has been a place that my mum has always wanted to visit and when the hopes of her getting to NZ under her own steam (or funding) faded the realisation that some things just had to be done grew. We got her to Oz for the christening of her goddaughters son, then those amazing friends brought her to New Zealand. There was no question we'd come here. She came and went by boat. One of the best days ever, swimming with my mum in the sea at Cathedral Cove. 

So birthday 2014, back to the Coromadel in the van. Camping joy, swimming in the sea very early at Hahei, then ignoring the weather forecast (but packing for it anyway - it turned out sunny) we walked again. 

I stood with the happy memories that make me smile and cry at the same time. Wondering how many more times will I walk here. Watching life around me, when we don't know what will come from left field. Can we know how long we can keep walking. That pleasure of mine, that I take for granted but have tried to capture here. In what was meant as a year long project to celebrate my 41st birthday has seen me dawdle along till 2015. Now 43, but still walking. 

The van happy in it's spot at the wondrous Hahei campsite

Just thinking and paddling at Cathedral Cove

Now time to rest

The feet that I am so grateful for, that and the legs that keep going. Thank you for being able to walk

The first and last site of the beach at Cathedral Cove

Joining in

Joining in the mindful colour craze

So along came the second Switch Off Sunday. Last week was a good week by my standards and I wondered what had contributed to the feeling. I had to add the switched off Sunday to the list so I was determined to give it a go. Maybe there is something in this malarkey.

Waking early then going back to sleep to 11am did help, and I must have needed that sleep. It got very complicated when the man and I had to meet later. I had to phone him while he was at work and I became quite focused. So I can use the land line, that's OK. Oh, the number is in my phone. Oh. I can call the hospital direct, feeling chuffed with this plan, all I had to do was find the number for the hospital. Oh how that phone holds my life in it's little processing centre.

We made contact and we made our rendezvous. I did have to put a watch on so I would meet him on time, but there. We did it.

While strolling around I happened across this book in Kikki K  so there is a cute book and stationary, excellent. The book contains inspiration and a 30 day challenge, let's just warm up to that one shall we. I will skip the part that I also brought the Christmas Planner notebook.

A little book of offline inspiration

The evening was tougher this week, I wanted to browse, play and loose myself. I wrote letters and yes, more people will be getting birthday cards in a timely manner. We talked over dinner and then played a word game, realising our brains were complete fuzz and this really was a good idea.

Monday morning, first thing, we reached for those pesky devices, but still another switched off day and another blog post on the Monday. Is it the developing habits or the irony that is making me smile?

At last

My new and improved vision board. After the cleanse.

I thought it was all over and I was back on the road, then it all got a lot lot worse. So starting again and with all this good intention washing over me the time has come to pay attention to some advice that has been trying to get to me in many ways. The universe has been patiently waiting for me to pay attention. 

Finally the advice about switching off for one day a week has reached action point. Really switching off. So we did. It wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting, but one day does not a habit make. So to introduce some irony to the whole situation I thought I would capture my experience of this switching off by blogging. 

Sunday is the off day, Monday is the blogging day. 

The decision was made on the Saturday, no thoughtful planning, just reading it again in a book I thought, now is the time. 

If I'm honest I my life is being sucked into a really stupid game on my phone. I know it saps my time, but I have reasons (so much better than excuses don't you think). 'It's my down time'…."It allows me to switch off from work'…..'hell, it's my reward for working so hard'. I could go on. And don't even get me started on Pintrest. 

Yes I 'watch' TV and scroll the net for that most useful piece of interest, or play that game, or of a very important quiz on Facebook. I am addicted and it really is time for an intervention. 

There are clues everywhere. I finally listened. 

I was worried how it would all go and there were a couple of morning twinges when I wondered about what I was missing, had some event happened that I would only find out if I checked Facebook. We still had a very lazy morning, but I read a magazine. Yes, another confession, those magazines sit there, until they need to be recycled. So yes, I read it. Now there has been work in this area, as a few months ago there would have been a whole pile in a lovely basket, but now there are two. So progress is made. I will read, and then dispose of in the most appropriate fashion. 

This change came from this book - be warned!

I even did the word search, wow, a sense of achievement, from completion of something. How very exciting for a Sunday morning. It was obviously all too much as when Devonport was suggested as the coffee destination of the day, I went crazy and suggested we take the  ferry. Indeed a mini adventure was born. 

Of course I wanted to take photos, but no phone. What if we lost each other, well we didn't. I could't check the weather - ah, the sun is out, but what time is the ferry back, well what do you know there it is. I did want to take a photo of the coffee, but I did roll my eyes at myself at this point. 

Dinner was the oddest. No TV. It was all very interesting. We talked a bit about really random stuff, I think I noticed the food a bit more, but I'm not convinced as yet. 

Now, we kind of broke the rules a bit here - the in-laws wanted to Skype. Bit difficult to say no to that  one. It was a shame it turned into the longest Skype call ever, but I kept the faith. I sat on the step enjoying the evening, twitching and struggling to just sit. I cleaned up, I wrote things down, I planned my work week, I wrote letters. Oh dear me, there are people that will be getting snail mail in a few days time thanks to this little exercise. One dear friend may even get her birthday card on time. But boy do I struggle with just sitting. 

Monday morning we scrambled for those devices, with silly smirks, but we did it, and here I am blogging about it. 

My Morning View

I've been subtly trying to work through this blog the effort I make to create some space between my job and the rest of me. It's been years and I am no where near an answer, solution or even close. 

There are many reasons why I pour my heart and soul into my work, but the video from Jamie Ridler as part of April Love from Susannah Conway really hit a nerve. I've never had lessons on self nourishment, I learnt from watching the women around me that we come last, everyone else is before me and when we do have time for us/me it will involve cake. So the video really did ring true, that these things I do for me, don't sustain or build me. I know what I need to do, but actually doing it is so tough. Let me show myself a bit of kindness here in that I have started and I'm loving the Saturday yoga class. Going with a friend helped and I feel great after the class. 

I have digressed from 'my morning view' somewhat. On waking up on the 1st April, it was dark, I tried playing with the iPhone, but that wasn't going to cut it. On leaving for work, still dark, and then there I am at work and in I go. I did for a brief moment think, oh that pile of papers on the table, that will make a great photo. But a fleeting thought was all it was. Twice or even three times I thought about snapping the great view that I pass when walking from my office to various meetings. Again, a passing thought. What did I think was going to happen if I just stopped for two minutes and took a photo. Seriously.

So now it's a long weekend, and I can sit and type and sound wise and insightful, but really how do I translate this to everyday. My morning this morning. Nourishing. The cats played nice and both curled up on my lap while I enjoyed the lie in, watching the increasing light filter through the blinds. I took photos in the garden to play catch up with the April Love posts, then spent a good while looking through all the other wonders that Intstagram had for me. Oh and a bit of breakfast, leaving the full cooked breakfast for later in the weekend it was fresh croissants, jam and coffee.

I'm sure the chaos of the clothes looks better in black and white

This close and still purring 

OK, there is room for two

Any flower is a favourite

Breakfast at home. The fruits of doing some shopping after work. 

Concealed

Of late it has been about self care and really just getting through the day. I am getting through the days, but I'm not taking photos or writing. Even my doodle journal is neglected. I'm reading and loosing myself in the words and the stories. If I'm honest I'm also reading and browsing blogs and doing way too much comparison. 

The season is changing here and I love it. It is one of the reasons I picked New Zealand and while we don't really get a winter in Auckland, this end of summer start of Autumn time is one of my favourites. We celebrated the Autumn Equinox a couple of days ago (no, no photos) but made some decisions about moving forward and had some honest answers to what has been holding us back. 

Onward then. 

And just to prove I haven't become a total recluse (yet) here is March so far

Soaking up the sun, cloud watching (but still wanting to hide)

Walking off a hangover and loving the light

Tidying the garden in readiness for the cyclone (that we were sparred).
Welcoming Autumn

Coffee at the art gallery (as shoe shopping failed)

Chaos

Here I stood, how did it get to this. One step forward then about 20 backwards. It's not quite what I like, but I like it a little. So I stopped to capture it and now on returning from a little trip away I revisit the photo and the desk, fight my way through and just write. The trip saw me plagued by a rash, the week has gone and I feel no rest has come, but the skin has browned in the sun and I have swam in the sea and the plague is settling. Adam took care of me. But I think I need to take care of me and find my place in the room and the world. I will sleep tonight and awake to try again. 

Crystallise

I have accepted the part of me that loves my career and work. After struggling with the concept of 'balance' in my life. The greatest moment came when I realised that I love what I do and it will be a big part of me for now. In making that step in my mind it also freed me to enjoy myself when I'm not at work. Accepting that I won't do all those 'things' on my list of what I 'should' do. Rather I consider what is most important right now and what is needed. Of late that has consisted of sitting and reading. 

Having made that leap in the last year or so, now my career faces choices. I have been blessed and am extremely fortunate in my career,  though I would also say I have worked for it. 

Which way to go, what to do. I have been thinking (a lot). Would change mean failure or giving up, or is it about accepting what is right for me and where I can make the most difference.

My parents instilled in me the belief that I could do anything I set my mind to, which has stood me in great stead but made decisions a nightmare. 

So in my turmoil and indecision I must have been channeling Steve Martin and The Man with Two Brains as this week brought some signs. (Do check out the brilliant clip here if you have no idea what I'm talking about). 

Voicing my values to my what underpins my work and my passion for the future is the first steps. I am going to need to be brave in whatever I do from this point on, so being clear and definite, to crystallise what I believe and how I think I can contribute is step one. 

Writing with Write Alm and the February Prompts. 

Day twenty one. Friendship

A symbolic photo. Taken with friends visiting NZ last summer. A lot has happened to friends in the UK. It's been a hard year to be away from dear friends. Making me wonder…...

Day eighteen. 15 years ago

The most disturbing thing about wondering what I was doing 15 years ago is how much I have become dependent on internet sites to log my life, history and prompt my memory. I use Flickr to catalogue my travels and if it happened before Flickr, who knows. Then the blog came about, so pretty much everything I've been up to since moving to NZ has been captured. Where are the photos and the notebooks from prior. It worried me. So 15 years ago. 1999 right. The one thing I do know is that I worked the night shift on New Years Eve. We had everything planned for a complete breakdown of all systems. Nothing happened, well we had a great night shift, no disasters. Adam popped in to say Happy New Year before heading somewhere, though he can't remember what or where. Still. This photo has stayed with us and is in a frame in the hall, with a collection of other memories. Young (and thin) and with absolutely no idea of the amazing adventures that would come our way in the coming 15 years. 

Day eleven. Favourite photo of 2014

2014 was the year I really made effort and progress with understanding and embracing photography. This photo was from a day spent crazily taking photos just because. I love the colours and the creation from nature.
There were of course several contenders so it was a hard choice. It was a wonderful time looking back over a year of photos and memories.

Hello December

Sitting with a cold, worn out and wondering, this seems like somewhere to start
December Reflections

Looking for the cure

 

 It's been tough times.Tragic news from the UK. Feeling lost and far away from those I want to share my grief and sorrow with.

We all continue but it all seems so unreal and impossible.  What I manage is day by day and a deep gratitude for all that I have and all that I can be.

Believing in miracles

It's been another tough week and there are a lot of thoughts rolling about in my head, but for now, I'll just keep believing…

Mind Palace

Maybe it is my mind palace, maybe it is just a picture that I like.
Either way it is about me finding my way back to my blog

Dropping the ball

A wise person once told me to think of them as avocados, not balls. That way they are easier to juggle, don't roll away if you drop them and worst case scenario you have guacamole. Either way….

That's it

From Pintrest

Trying happy

Anger may be giving way to disappointment, but the garden joy has gone. The garden is ruined. It has allowed the despair of still renting when all I want is my own home, to rise and suffocate me.

What do I do. We go to the zoo


And I spend time on Facebook where my lovely friend Emma just happened to post this little piece of joy. Enjoy.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Sculpture at the Gardens

In attempt to clear the self destructive mind games I play with myself here are the photos from our trip to the Botanic Gardens and the latest sculpture trail. Now which one did I vote for for the favourite prize and which photo should I submit to the photography competition? Answers on a postcard (but that would presume a readership, so really a question to myself).

A section of Flotilla by Lucy Bucknall and Andy MacVicar

A section of Home Sweet Home by Jeff Thomson

A snippet of  Over the Farm Gate by Bryan Verey

The White Horse by Ben Foster

That will be Adam peering through Rook number 2 I think (By Oliver Stretton-Pow)

A nightmare to capture, so I has great fun playing with the camera
7 Days by Jane Downes

Oh Crabby I do believe we're rather lost
by Jamie Pickernell

in fill housing by Mia Hamilton

in fill housing by Mia Hamilton

in fill housing by Mia Hamilton

in fill housing by Mia Hamilton

That will be Adam again - just resting this time

Carving up the Land by Michael Klaja & Gordon Smith 

Pineapple Twists by Christine Hellyar

People watching art in the visitors centre 

A start

Good Morning to the 2nd of January 

New Zealand is a very wise country. Not only is New Years Day a public holiday (wow nearly 6 years it's taken me to use that phrase as opposed to bank holiday) but the 2nd of January is as well. I think it's wise. It is wise now I work Mon-Fri and have all public holidays off. It is wise when I've had a decent break from work. It is wise when I've spent some time resorting my soul, my garden and my house.
Work beckons tomorrow. I would be lying if I said I had completely switched off over these long and glorious days. At time it has consumed me, it wakes me with a start in the early hours. Yes I have peaked at a few emails. Heh. I'm a work in progress. My world for 2013 was 'Balance'. It would be mean of me to say I failed, but I did find lot's of ways for it not to work - so that is progress.
2014 brings me 'Hope"

New Bike

I was just as excited as I was back then. I should have found a better hill, but I had a great first trip. Swishing along, no pain in the neck, no pins and needles in the arm. A delightful ride with smiles and a bell.