My Morning View

I've been subtly trying to work through this blog the effort I make to create some space between my job and the rest of me. It's been years and I am no where near an answer, solution or even close. 

There are many reasons why I pour my heart and soul into my work, but the video from Jamie Ridler as part of April Love from Susannah Conway really hit a nerve. I've never had lessons on self nourishment, I learnt from watching the women around me that we come last, everyone else is before me and when we do have time for us/me it will involve cake. So the video really did ring true, that these things I do for me, don't sustain or build me. I know what I need to do, but actually doing it is so tough. Let me show myself a bit of kindness here in that I have started and I'm loving the Saturday yoga class. Going with a friend helped and I feel great after the class. 

I have digressed from 'my morning view' somewhat. On waking up on the 1st April, it was dark, I tried playing with the iPhone, but that wasn't going to cut it. On leaving for work, still dark, and then there I am at work and in I go. I did for a brief moment think, oh that pile of papers on the table, that will make a great photo. But a fleeting thought was all it was. Twice or even three times I thought about snapping the great view that I pass when walking from my office to various meetings. Again, a passing thought. What did I think was going to happen if I just stopped for two minutes and took a photo. Seriously.

So now it's a long weekend, and I can sit and type and sound wise and insightful, but really how do I translate this to everyday. My morning this morning. Nourishing. The cats played nice and both curled up on my lap while I enjoyed the lie in, watching the increasing light filter through the blinds. I took photos in the garden to play catch up with the April Love posts, then spent a good while looking through all the other wonders that Intstagram had for me. Oh and a bit of breakfast, leaving the full cooked breakfast for later in the weekend it was fresh croissants, jam and coffee.

I'm sure the chaos of the clothes looks better in black and white

This close and still purring 

OK, there is room for two

Any flower is a favourite

Breakfast at home. The fruits of doing some shopping after work. 

Crystallise

I have accepted the part of me that loves my career and work. After struggling with the concept of 'balance' in my life. The greatest moment came when I realised that I love what I do and it will be a big part of me for now. In making that step in my mind it also freed me to enjoy myself when I'm not at work. Accepting that I won't do all those 'things' on my list of what I 'should' do. Rather I consider what is most important right now and what is needed. Of late that has consisted of sitting and reading. 

Having made that leap in the last year or so, now my career faces choices. I have been blessed and am extremely fortunate in my career,  though I would also say I have worked for it. 

Which way to go, what to do. I have been thinking (a lot). Would change mean failure or giving up, or is it about accepting what is right for me and where I can make the most difference.

My parents instilled in me the belief that I could do anything I set my mind to, which has stood me in great stead but made decisions a nightmare. 

So in my turmoil and indecision I must have been channeling Steve Martin and The Man with Two Brains as this week brought some signs. (Do check out the brilliant clip here if you have no idea what I'm talking about). 

Voicing my values to my what underpins my work and my passion for the future is the first steps. I am going to need to be brave in whatever I do from this point on, so being clear and definite, to crystallise what I believe and how I think I can contribute is step one. 

Writing with Write Alm and the February Prompts. 

Day twenty two. Fragrant

The fragrant bounty of my graden. That 'well known' Christmas combination of rosemary, lavender and rhubarb.
Home grown gifts for the staff at work. 

Day eighteen. 15 years ago

The most disturbing thing about wondering what I was doing 15 years ago is how much I have become dependent on internet sites to log my life, history and prompt my memory. I use Flickr to catalogue my travels and if it happened before Flickr, who knows. Then the blog came about, so pretty much everything I've been up to since moving to NZ has been captured. Where are the photos and the notebooks from prior. It worried me. So 15 years ago. 1999 right. The one thing I do know is that I worked the night shift on New Years Eve. We had everything planned for a complete breakdown of all systems. Nothing happened, well we had a great night shift, no disasters. Adam popped in to say Happy New Year before heading somewhere, though he can't remember what or where. Still. This photo has stayed with us and is in a frame in the hall, with a collection of other memories. Young (and thin) and with absolutely no idea of the amazing adventures that would come our way in the coming 15 years. 

11th

Handwriting

I've been scrawling a lot of late
Notes and thoughts to gather the stories 
So new job started officially 
All very exciting
But my notes and scrawl don't seem to making much sense tonight

August Break 2014 Day 11

8th

Selfie

there were moments
mind expanding
thought provoking
blimey realising
listening
talking
note taking
more listening
then the long day ended
and drinks were had
bubbles
chat
and celebration
with food
lovely
home time came
with comfy boots
sofa time
this is all that is left of me to share

August Break 2014 Day 8 

7th

Today is…..

Being overwhelmed
Despite the prepartion
Despite the thoughts
Despite the lists
I forgot it all
In the face of such warmth
such love and appreciation 
such amazingness
such poetry
with a Star Wars Touch
(That I wish my brother could have seen)
Farewell 
Not ready yet
Not just yet
Thank you 
Thank you 


August Break 2014 Day 7

6th

Reflection

Moving on 
Feeling odd
But feeling and 
Reflecting
Making a list
Grounding me
Elevating the moments

August Break Day 6

Friday night was not movie night

This Monday-Friday has taken a while to get used to but I have firmly embraced the great feeling of starting the weekend on Friday evening.  It is one of the reasons for our Friday night being movie night. We make the weekend seem a little longer, turn on to the outside world, that is on the periphery while we are at work.
This Friday there was no movie, not even a movie at home. There was an event, a start the weekend event. We farewelled a colleague with pizza and wine (maybe a little too much wine but more on that later). This place is her usual Friday night place and we've been a few times and there is nothing wrong and everything right with the atmosphere, the service and most importantly the pizza. Thank you and farewell (see you around really)

The best of...

Many a moment of reflection over coffee has occurred prior to creating this post. The moments or things I can fit into a category to give it a "Best of 2013" award. All my own creation and subjective opinion and at times rather obviously contrived.
On with the awards then.

Best Movie

We love the movies and New Zealand has a wondrous array of fantastic cinemas. I've started tracking the movies we go see on Pintrest boards. 2013 is right here and after careful consideration and serious thought to giving the award to 'Star Trek' or 'About Time' the award goes to…'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty'.

I thought it was great but I was also surprised. I went along a bit dubious but was sucked in totally and came away with a glow in my heart. It was also the last movie of the year and a perfect one to set you up for a New Year.

Best Food Moment

This award centres around an acknowledgement that work is exhausting because I love it and I work really hard. So no, I don't come home and feel the need to hand-make anything from scratch. I don't want to spend my weekends menu planning, shopping and cooking. I do though want to eat well but not shop every night while racking my brain for what to eat. So thanks to a rather practical recommendation from a kindred soul at work 2013 was the year I welcomed My Food Bag from Nadia Lim.

Seriously good food, thought out menus and not that bad to prepare. Reduced waste, less thinking and shopping but a great meal every night (well most nights, I currently only get the bag every other week).
The meals are fairly easy to prepare - really easy when Adam cooks, as he does most nights. It also means we are trying food and food combinations we would normally avoid - such as the meat/fruit combination. The duck and mango in our first week was an astounding eye (or tastebud) opener.

Best Book

This is the most disappointing category despite exceeding my goodreads challenge when I looked back at the books I had read over the year not one great story stood out. Sure there were some good ones, such as 'The Elegance of the Hedgehog' that had me sobbing at the end and 'The end of your life book club' which inspired many of the other books I read and encouraged reading generally. But great, no. So the award is shared by two work related books, which were inspiring, easy to read and full of practical tips and actions I can actually put in place thereby making the world a better place. This is not an exaggeration or a boast. If you or your mother/father/son/daughter/friend are a patient on the ward I work, you want it to be a better place and that is the buzz I get from work. Leading and developing a team of people to make a difference to every single patent who comes our way.

So the award is shared by: 
'Switch' and 'Zapp'. As corny as they sound and currently full of post it notes of ideas and on loan to others - spreading the word as it were.

Click for their website 

There is also a Zapp written specifically for healthcare - marvellous. 

Most Inspiring Moment.

While on the work vibe and before moving onto travel then. I got myself along to the APAC conference. The programme had appealed but I had no idea how inspiring and world opening this would be. Both of the books named above I read because of this conference. Take a look at these videos….

Trevor and the Perks of Diabetes

Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care

Then there was this man. A standing ovation at a healthcare conference..I kid you not. You must read his work whoever you are.

Glen Colquhoun

Travel moment of the year

I still remember the tingle and the excitement as I walked up towards the harbour and got my first glimpse of the Sydney Opera House and the Harbour Bridge. It became a state the obvious time, when I kept repeating "Look, it's the Opera House" or "Look, it's the harbour bridge" and it didn't get boring once. We spent most of our time around the harbour and loved every single second of it. Thank you Sydney.

Activity of the year

A close one and I couldn't decide, so another shared award.

Curling, a side trip as part of the Otago Rail trail - more images on flickr 

The other award is for the Luge at Rotorua on my birthday this year but you'll have you to follow this link to the proof.

Photo of the year

I don't really like my photo being taken but this one isn't too bad, so this one has the award.
2013 was also the year I got a 'real' camera (thank you Adam) and the laptop (thank you Adam) so a good year. 

Achievement of the year

Another tough category, with three particular moments in the running.

• 2013 was the year I wrote the most blog posts. The blog has been ticking over since 2008 and I was heading to these distance shore, it has evolved and I've learnt a few more tricks, but I still just witted on but not really sure who reads this. Heh. 

• Dry July was something in 2012 I laughed at, thinking there was no way I could do that, and why would I. These thoughts plagued me all year, so when July was getting close I signed up for the challenge, raised over $700 and really impressed myself. 

• Flickr was my first step in the wonderful world of the internet. I love it, I do. It has introduced me to some fantastic photographers and helped me learn what kind of photos I want to take. Flickr has an 'Explore' section. Really no idea how photos are selected for this but 2013 was the year that one of my photos made it. This gave me huge viewings and generally made me feel kind of chuffed. 

So there you go, my highlights I guess. You decide.

A start

Good Morning to the 2nd of January 

New Zealand is a very wise country. Not only is New Years Day a public holiday (wow nearly 6 years it's taken me to use that phrase as opposed to bank holiday) but the 2nd of January is as well. I think it's wise. It is wise now I work Mon-Fri and have all public holidays off. It is wise when I've had a decent break from work. It is wise when I've spent some time resorting my soul, my garden and my house.
Work beckons tomorrow. I would be lying if I said I had completely switched off over these long and glorious days. At time it has consumed me, it wakes me with a start in the early hours. Yes I have peaked at a few emails. Heh. I'm a work in progress. My world for 2013 was 'Balance'. It would be mean of me to say I failed, but I did find lot's of ways for it not to work - so that is progress.
2014 brings me 'Hope"

Did I mention

The birthday month has been joyous and as my previous post have listed I got up to loads. I do like to extend the celebration as much as possible. We headed away from work early on the Friday and booked into the Langham past the streaming girls. Yes indeed, we were staying at the same hotel as One Direction. Not a wise move, it was like Disney without the mouse. Girls everywhere, running, rather excited. I did get the pool to myself and some lovely spa time, then a fabulous massage and facial that was a treat from Adam.

My fave picture from the Zoo trip on the Saturday

Room service beckoned so I had to cut short my chat with Harry from One Direction (though at the time I thought it was a young lad who had nothing better to do than to lie in the post massage lounge area). I was a bit shocked when watching the news on Saturday night to realise who I had been chatting to, heh ho, I digress. This is all about me and my fabulous birthday.
Off to The Civic we headed to see Wicked. Lovely chat with some great ladies from Christ Church, serious conversation about emergency exits and then fun chat about the surprise they had for their two daughters who though that Wicked was the highlight of their trip to Auckland -  One Direction tickets had been purchased as a surprise. Those girls were far to excited to know I was staying in the same hotel - there was no escape.

The cheetahs at Africa Night adventure

Wicked was very good, a great story, fantastic sets, great singers, the music a tad loud I'm afraid, sound no quite right as at times the voices were obscured. Just the fact that I noticed this and made a mental note was funny and had me thinking of my Dad and my brother - who if they had been there would probably spoken to someone and got it sorted out. It didn't detract too much and the music was very good.
Now on previous vists a post show drink in the bar is called for, we repeated this but with a difference. Standing at the bar as the place was still swarming with girls and young ladies who really should be in bed. I didn't mind so much, it was entertaining to watch. What I did object too was the lack of manners and downright rudeness displayed by some of these people. The way they spoke to the bar staff was disgusting, but then some people not there for One Direction were also becoming irritated and taking it out on the bar staff. Maybe it's working in the service industry but my heart went out the very hard working and professional staff there that night.
We timed breakfast just right as a queue built up (accompanied by more bad behaviour) and my Disney memories came back - where was Mickey. The breakfast at the Langham is very good and the service brilliant as ever it was just a different experience with the hoards. It was also school holidays and the Langham is a very good hotel to stay at.

Our wonderfully cheesy photo from the Skyline ride

Headed back to our humble abode for a Saturday afternoon we picked up old movies. Watching 'Some like it hot' and then 'The towering inferno', all rather marvellous thank you very much.
We headed to the Zoo on Sunday, I mean why not. I wasn't supposed to find out - but another surprise Adam had for me was to return to the zoo the following week for a special "Africa Night' experience.
My birthday day arrived and I opened cards and presents and felt very good, and then made a random decision to head to Roturua. There was much contemplating as what to do, my dodgy arm had put me off quite a few things, windy weather put me off others and our plan to head to Waiheke Island for the day was hampered by the fact that you have to book 24 hours in advance. I felt the need to Luge.

Yep a happy birthday

Adam thought I was crazy and he, poor soul, did have to drive, but boy it was great. We've done the Luge at Queenstown a few times and think it's great fun. I have heard on more than one occasion that the Roturua Luge is better. The staff there took great pride in telling us so, and yes I must say it is. It was a weekday, out of school holidays, a bit windy and overcast. Perfect. Not a lot of people but enough and such a scream. I did scream, I think I took off at one point, Adam definitely did. We had a 5 ride ticket. Fantastic.

Rotoura Museum

We did take in a bit of the thermal terrain with the walkway near the Lake (yes more on that to follow, I will complete the 41 walk challenge). Then a frantic search for a supermarket to buy birthday cake and the drive home. Have i mentioned how wonderful Adam is that he drives these long journeys with no word of complaint. Marvellous.

Cake and candles and the day is complete.

Cake and candles

I returned to work to be greeted by a wonderful surprise from the staff. I am an incredibly fortunate charge nurse and was very touched. They had decorated my office window and door with notes and signs. There was cake and then more cake. Plus I got a few more presents - fantastic.

My Surprise

The Africa Night was the following sunday and was fabulous. You meet and feed the animals, the elephant, then the giraffe, who you can't touch, then we saw the cheetahs - mesmerising, then the hippos, the scariest and deadliest, can't believe we could still feed them. Finally the rhino. A South African themed dinner followed by a presentation and then a fund-raising auction. A totally different and interesting evening out.

Getting close to the rhino on Africa Night

A parcel arrived the other day from wonderful Emma so the birthday month carried on.

Walk 22 - Auckland City

Three days of walking to Sky Tower, well the convention centre to be precise, had me thinking about trips to London, the excitement, the planning. I took a train today for just in $5.00 that arrived on time and got me to the centre of New Zealand's largest city in just und 30 minutes, it arrived there on time as well.

I joined a throng of folks walking up Queen Street. It's a city centre I don't visit very often, and certainly less over the time I've lived here. I looked at the people, very few on their phones, an almost quiet atmosphere, this had something to do with the impending sailing race that has the country on tenderhooks. Enough said.




It's a place I feel safe in.

Walking with the flow of the crowd up queen street this alters as I turn up hill towards sky tower. Not really sure where the convention centre part is but the handy thing about using sky city is that it has to be near the tower somewhere. Now the tower, I guess one of the icons that says Auckland.



Day one over and the walk back - buzzing from post conference high. I join the after school rush for the train. Filled withe enthusiasm of the day and the Joy of buying a new notebook I didn't calm down till I got off the train then I noticed the great squelchy noises my boots made in the rain, contemplating the comfort of my boots. Then I spotted the bubbles made my the footprints of the guy walking ahead of me, that made me smile.



Conference day 2 I approached from a different direction. Going into work first and walking down queen street. Going to work was a mad idea and now I'm not in quite the right frame of mind. It was an earlier start today so after passing the people on their way into the hospital it was a quieter walk down to sky city. I stooped at some traffic lights on the turn uphill catching my breath, feeling hot and clammy and I imagine rather red, I don't walk slowly, and as you know even a small incline does me in. I arrive at the venue and check, yes very red, very clammy and rather toasty, I look alive and like I've had a good walk I just hope I don't smell too bad as the day goes on. It's a longer day all around to day so here's hoping.


The smell would have been irrelevant after such a powerful and emotive day. The walk back to the station to day was later and busier with less school kids but more people. I was keen to get there in time so I caught the next train and it wasn't till I got to the station that the blister I had given myself on this mornings walk reminded me of itself. The deftly applied plaster in the toilet earlier had done the job.



The stories of the day had touched me, touched us all I think and well powerfully presented so as I walked I saw. I saw people and wondered what were their stories, what mattered to them. It's scary thinking like that. I want to hide away behind wine and a crappy movie. I need to shut it away and yet it has been exposed to us, to me in such a way that I don't think we can. It's why I do the job I do. It's why I love the job I love. I'm typing on the train, too scared to catch anyone's eye, to imagine thier story or pain. I sneak a look. I see tired people eyes closed, catching some rest and peace before they face home, what may they face, the crying child, the abusive husband, the sick mother who needs lifting into bed. I see a lot of devices, connecting us to what. I'm guilty I sit with iPad tapping away. Lost, disconnected. I see worry, concern pensive faces. I did see hope today. In the bleakest moment today, there was hope, but it will require effort, require connections and I will look up and see the faces, hear the stories and ask what matters to you.



Day three and it now feels like a routine, walking up Queen Street, I don't think the hill has got any easier but I do know what road to walk up now. Today is the day I take pictures. I'm still clammy and red, with a fresh look on my face. There are a lot of women here who do make up very well, I can't be one of those.


Today's conference was not as emotionally draining, still a good day but not quite as exhausting. Despite a session on 'mindfulness' I am particularly mindless on the walk back down. I cannot recall any of it. I talk to Adam on the phone, I sit on the wrong platform at the train station. I am not present. I sink into the iPhone on the way home. Once off the train it is darker and colder.

These three days of walking to Sky Tower.


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First

Leaving work too late and the garden being in darkness was no reason not to get the traditional first photo of the August Break; see 2012 and 2011

Celebrating with the orange juice

Exam and presentation done. The constant practice and hard work payed off. Passed exam, very very well (100%- what do you say to that mum). Presentation went well, the adrenaline coursing through my veins all day while I waited did me no good but all went well in the end. The Star Wars slide the obvious hit. Results were emailed out today. So celebration was due but in Dry July style it was freshly squeezed orange juice. It is fab having a neighbour with an orange tree. I did make it bubble by adding lemonade and drank it out of a champagne glass. Scary thought - maybe the great suit was due to the recent lack of alcohol. Moving on methinks.




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Inspiration in the orange juice

Trying to prepare for giving an amazing presentation with a cold is proving tricky. Trying to do it without the wine to get the creative juices flowing is unusual. So inspiration is to be found in a mixture of juices and Star Wars.
One week of Dry July done. Not too bad so far.....
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48 hours

48 hours in and I'm feeling rather proud. Today was one of those days when I'd normally come home and have some wine but despite the crappy nature of the day I came home and had a scone with jam and cream and a cup of tea. This Dry July may not be the healthy July I was intending.



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Twenty eighth

I don't often write or mention work on this blog, a few random clues that I go to work and recently changed jobs is about all but today, what a day, in a good way. One thing after another and I actually felt I had an impact along the line here or there. It was a long day, I was collected, brought home and dinner is being served up for me as I speak. I have a great home to come back to and a good man taking care of me. Blessed.

Ninth

Today was hard work. I sit on the bed happy to have made the day.

Sixth

Monday's are a struggle, says the woman who after 20 years of shift work is kind of adjusting to this weekday marlarcky. I has good intentions of making a lemon cake to take to work but didn't seem to get there. My new staff nurse started work today and brought with her homemade lemon cake. Made me feel a little guilty but boy it was good cake, she was clearly a wise recruitment choice. So I left work sort of on time and now need to make that lemon cake.